On Beginning

So...I started a blog. Mostly, I've been following one particular person, Allie, who has an amazing blog which you should absolutely check out. And follow. And tell your friends about. Basically, while I have been thinking about starting one for some time, reading her posts gave me the final impetus to actually do it, and anyone capable of getting me off my lazy butt and actually doing something I've been thinking about doing for a long time is, quite simply, an amazing human being.

I kinda wish I knew how annoying this whole process was going to be, though. Really, I should have known. Nothing I ever undertake to do ends up being as simple and straightforward as I imagine it should be.

First off, I had to come up with a title. I wanted “Ham Sandwich.” Why I wanted it is a tangential story about a friend's opinions on blogs and blogging in general. Why I couldn't have it is simple. Go ahead, type in http://hamsandwich.blogspot.com. Really, Blogger? Really? Shouldn't some auto-pruning feature have kicked in like, five years ago, and deleted that garbage?

I mean, if I had tried it out and it linked to some super-amazing blog (or even just a halfway decent one) updated on even a monthly basis, I wouldn't be upset. I'm getting into the blogging game late, so it's understandable why my first choice isn't available. I would've graciously accepted defeat. But to lose to that? The incoherent gibbering of what I can only imagine is a syphilitic monkey banging on the keyboard and somehow submitting it eight years ago is what kept me from having my URL of choice? Fail. Epic fail, in fact.

Unfortunately, my URL woes didn't stop there, because soon after I arrived at creating a profile. At the bottom it says this “To make it easier for people to find your profile, you can customize your URL with your Google email username. (Note this can make your Google email address publicly discoverable.) This unique name will also be used in other links to your content on Google. To help others discover your profile, in some Google services contacts who know your email address will see a link to your profile.”

Displayed beneath is a single radio button with a URL that makes it so easy to extrapolate my email account that even that blog-title-stealing, VD-ridden monkey could be spamming my inbox in moments. My only other option? An incomprehensible string of numbers that would be impossible to memorize and therefore essentially useless. Why can't I pick my own, Google? Why won't you give me a text-input field instead of this ridiculous Catch-22? Would it really break you that much to give me that option? This is why I dislike Google, and feel it is so much hype. Don't even get me started on their Brutus-style attack on net neutrality.

Okay, so I ended up making a whole new email account, which was probably overdue anyway. Then came the arduous task of transferring my blog over to that new account. You'd think this would be an easy process. You're wrong. There is no way to change the username associated with the account. I had to add the new account as an author, grant full admin access, and delete the old account. This, after a half hour of pouring through the site and finally searching help files. It shouldn't take more than two clicks and 30 seconds to do want I wanted to do with it, and it was all just so that, when people hunt down my Google profile through this thing, it leads them to a reasonable URL rather than an incomprehensible string of random numbers. I still can't change my Adsense credentials. I hate you, Google.

Anyway, I suppose I should actually get on with why I had been sitting on the idea of blogging in the first place. There are a lot of reasons, and various things I hope to get out of this process, but basically it comes down to me wanting to eventually publish something as a writer. This doesn't count, but to be a good writer, you have to write. A lot. And the more you write, the more you are able to develop your style. If people like your style, they'll turn your stuff into a book. Lately, I've been struggling with a crippling lack of motivation to write, and I'm hoping this helps cure it.

It's not really the fame or the fortune aspect of it all (although those certainly won't hurt) but that I like the idea of having fans, and I'm suddenly too impatient to do something legit to get them. I follow a lot of web comics, and I might be getting into following more blogs too, and, well, it's nice to have that kind of validation from a large group of people.

I plan to make this blog more about me than anything else. Sometimes it'll be funny (at least I hope), but it'll also be sad, and weird, and insightful, and religious (I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. AKA, Mormon. Some days I just won't be able to not post something overtly from this perspective. I won't hold it against you if you stop reading right now. Promise), and filled with fortune-cookie-style observations on life. It may be a rant, or a memory, or a “this is what's going on in my life.” Half-journal, half-memoir, half-desperate plea for attention and recognition. In essence, like 94.7% of all the blogs out there. Hopefully, I bring something to the table that other people don't, at least enough to make my inane drivel worth reading to someone out there besides my mother (and perhaps my sister, too).

To all my future readers, I make some promises:

1. Whatever I write will be real, legit, and, to the best of my recollection, truthful.
2. I will strive to use proper spelling and grammar in every post, except in such cases where "proper" grammar is stupid.
3. I will never straight-up use vulgarity. Ever. I don't in person and I won't here. The worst it may get would be along the lines of “freak” and “heck.” My current favorite seems to be dagnabit. Admit it, it sounds funny, too funny to be offensive. I won't be getting excessively crude either.
4. I will, most likely, not update every day, but I will strive to put something up here at least once a week.
5. Even though I may post something about Christ, or the LDS faith, I'm not doing this to proselytize, nor am I out to convert anyone (although I certainly wouldn't be upset if someone got curious about it because of my blog, and I'm always open to legit questions about my faith). If the Jesus posts bug you, don't leave. Just skip them until you find something funny and/or entertaining.

That's all for now. This thing has gotten long enough, and if I don't post it I'll just keep adding to it, rather than make a new entry.

I hope you stick around, and that you're able to pull something worthwhile or meaningful from what spews out of my head in the future.